A short, fun trip, day 1 of chemo, and three divine encounters

 Several months ago, Chris came to me and said, “Hey, Kenny is playing at the Sphere in Las Vegas, want to go?”  If you know me well, you know he is my favorite non-Gospel-related performer.  So, of course, I said, “YES!”  A couple of weeks later, we asked Hannah and Samuel if they wanted to join us, and they said “YES!” So the trip was planned about a month before I was told I had cancer.  The amazing part was that it fell in the time between getting my port and starting infusions.  I checked with my doctor, who said yes, go and have fun! And so we did!  I’ve included a few pictures of that trip.  If you ever have the opportunity to be at the Sphere for a concert, I highly encourage it.  Chris described it as a combination of the best show plus the best Disney ride.  I’d say that is true, times about 100.  It’s impossible to describe effectively.  Just go! We also got to eat at Peter Luger Steak House and Hell's Kitchen (get the Lobster risotto!) 

Back to reality.  We got back Monday afternoon and went straight to an appointment with my oncologist.  She’s amazing, and I always feel better after I meet with her.   Then it was an MRI and an echocardiogram the next two days.  Thursday was the only day with no appointments.  I can’t wait for that to settle down to just infusions on Friday.  It is truly overwhelming all that gets thrown at you when you get this diagnosis.  I had no idea and little empathy or understanding of those going through this.  I wish I had been more aware in the past, but maybe that’s not even possible.  Sigh.  I cannot fathom it without the partner I have in Chris.  He has been amazing.

Speaking of amazing…my dear friend Janey has spoiled me rotten with the most thoughtful gifts.  She keeps saying she’s not bringing me anything else, but I don’t believe her! I’ve received cards from my sweet cousin up in Maine, as well as various friends.  Flowers from neighbors and lifelong friends.  Daily texts from those praying for me.  Ya’ll, it makes a difference. I will forever be changed by the love I have been shown over these last 5 weeks.  And I pray I am mindful of that when I am on the other end of this in the future.  Thank you to everyone for the texts, Bible verses, and phone calls.  I know I said it last time, but I mean it! Your prayers are sustaining me, there is no doubt.

Today I went for my first infusion.  I don’t want to focus too much on that topic, it is what it is.  I will say that everyone at Texas Oncology is so professional, helpful, and kind.  I do want to share the stories of those divine encounters:

We got there early, and a young woman sat across from me.  She was obviously being treated for cancer as she was wearing a hat and didn’t have hair, the telltale sign of chemo.  We started chatting, and I found out she is 32 and was diagnosed with the same type of cancer I have.  She discovered it while she was nursing her second child.  Gulp.  But do you know what that precious young lady did?  She asked me if she could pray for me!  I was stunned.  Of course, I said yes, and I added my prayers for her as well.  After we were done praying, she looked at me and said, “You’re going to be okay!”  She told me this 3x before she left a couple of hours later.  It blessed me beyond words.  Her name is Meagan. As you read this, will you pray for her?  She has two young children.  She is so clearly full of faith and the joy of the Lord.  I asked her where they went to church, and she said they hadn’t yet settled after moving here from Tennessee.  So I was able to give her the info on ours.  I love that!

The second story is connected to the Cold Cap I’m wearing during each treatment to hopefully avoid losing all my hair.  As it was the first time we had done this, Chris and I were struggling to get going with it.  It’s a several step process with the last one being hooked up to a machine that pumps cold fluid through a cap attached very tightly to your skull! When I say cold, please look at the picture I’ve attached of the frozen bits in my hair when we took it off 5 hours later.  So, we are sitting there trying to figure it out, fumbling around, when two women walk over and jump in to help us.  They are sisters, one local and one from Peru.  When I say jump in, I’m saying that they told me exactly what to do, then sat there and put the condition in my hair for me, put the cap on and decided I had the wrong size, made sure I got the right one and gave me hints on how to endure the next few hours.  It was like two angels walked across the room just to be there in that moment for me.  I am really looking forward to seeing them each Friday! The sister that is local is actually a pediatric dentist in Round Rock and also offered information on diet and avoiding some of the side effects of this therapy. 

God showed up y’all.  He was so generous to me today.  SO generous.  That’s who He is, the Good Father. 

Eyes.On.Jesus

I love you all so much!

N

“The righteous flourish like the palm tree and grow like cedar in Lebanon.  They are planted in the house of the Lord, they flourish in the courts of our God.  They still bear fruit in old age; they are ever full of sap and green, to declare that the Lord is upright; He is my rock and there is no unrighteousness in Him.” Psalm 92:12-15

 Tomorrow marks the beginning of what feels like a long process of healing.  Tomorrow I go in VERY early in the morning and get my chemo port.  Tomorrow, my body starts to change, and I hope to attack and kill cancer.  So, in some ways, it is a hopeful day, and in some ways, it is very sobering.  This is reality now.  A reality I never thought was even possible.  I am certain every person who ever got this diagnosis felt the same way.  How is this possible?  But I do not consider myself immune to any suffering known to humans.  I do not claim any special privilege that exempts me from pain, illness, fear, etc.  That is life!  And I have had the most amazing, blessed life.  So, it's time to hit a rough patch, time to press into the truths I have said I stand on for most of my life.  And that's okay.  

Here's what I know so far:

I will have my first chemo treatment on June 6 and will have them weekly for 12 weeks.  Then the next phase will be another 12 weeks, but only going in for treatment every 3 weeks.  That last section will be a rough one, from what I understand.  Right now, I'm just taking this one step at a time and not looking too far forward. My cancer is triple negative, which is a very aggressive type, but one that my doctor has told me is curable. My doctor is amazing, by the way.  Very upbeat and confident.  She doesn't pad the truth, and has told me this will be hard, but I feel hopeful that when it's all said and done, I will have a great story to tell and also be cancer-free.  

If all goes well, I will be done with chemo on October 31st.  

If you'd like to pray with me, here are a few things I love being specific about-

*That I would honor God in all I do throughout this time

*That God would increase my trust in Him and understanding of His word.

*That I could be used through this to encourage others and point them to Jesus. This    is my true heart's desire.

*Protection for my body from the damages of chemo, so that it would target the cancer and just avoid the rest of me! I'm getting immunotherapy as well, which does target the type of cancer I have, but the more traditional chemo attacks everything.  So please pray that my blood counts stay strong and all my organs remain healthy.  

On Saturday, Chris and I will take a quick two-day trip to have some fun before I start treatment.  I'll post more about that after we are back and I have my first infusion.  

I want to tell all of you that your texts, phone calls, and messages on social media have meant more than you can imagine.  Knowing at such a deep level how much you are loved...well, it changes things.  It changes your outlook, it strengthens and also humbles you.  I don't deserve it, but I hope to return it as much as possible.  This kind of love cannot just be taken in; it has to go back out as well.  I can't wait to see what God wants to do with it all! 

"I sought the Lord and He answered me and delivered me from all my fears.  Those who look to Him are radiant, and their faces shall never be ashamed.  This poor man cried, and the Lord heard him and saved him out of all his troubles."  Psalm 34:1-6

 

Eyes.On.Jesus.

Nan 

    

 

 I stumble as I begin to type these words.  Today has been a hard day.  I don't know what makes the difference in a good or bad day after you've been diagnosed with cancer, but today has been hard/bad.  I know part of it is the fact that eating and sleeping are evading me.  Every health expert will say those are two of the cornerstones (can you have 2 cornerstones?) in health.  Oops.  I just wish I could get out of my head and latch on to all the positive.  So, I sit and write.  It has always been my clearest way of communicating, the thing that helps me empty out the cobwebs of heart and mind.  So I invite you to take this journey with me.  I hope it will be a very long journey in terms of years of life, but a short one in terms of sickness and talking/thinking about cancer every minute of every day.  BLEH!  I hate that more than anything.  I just want to be me.  All that negativity aside...I KNOW God is doing something in me.  I absultely know that.  I'm going through a refining fire and it is painful!  And I am just at the beginning.  But where God leads me, I want to go with trust and joy.  That is my goal.  I want my children and grandchildren to draw near to Jesus in this.  When hard things come we all have two options, towards Him or away.  I am choosing towards.  I'll sit down soon and give all the details of exactly what is happening in my body.  I don't honestly know all of them yet as I avoid certain details to keep my head above water.  But what I know, I will share gladly.  Nothing about this is a secret.  I have become so aware of people praying for me.  I know you can allow others to carry your burdens at times, and Jesus is at the head of that list of burden carriers.  

My biggest desire is to keep my Eyes.On.Jesus.  To honor Him in what I do and who I encounter every step of this path.  Several Bible verses have comforted me in the last two weeks.  The story in Matthew chapter 14 of Simon Peter wanting to walk on the water to Jesus is really resonating with me right now.  The disciples are in the middle of a storm on the sea and Jesus decides to take a stroll out to them... by walking on the water!  They see him and think He's a ghost.  When Jesus says "DO NOT BE AFRAID" Simon says "Lord, if it's you, command me to come to you on the water" Jesus tells him to come.  One word, come.  Initially he walks on the water and comes to Jesus but then is suddenly aware of the wind, and fear struck, and he began to sink.  Because he took his eyes off of Jesus.  He cries out to the Lord and Jesus "immediately reached out his hand and took hold of him, saying to him ' O you of little faith, why did you doubt'".  They get back into the boat and the wind ceases.  I love the world immediately in this.  No hesitation.  In modern terms He would say "I got ya!"  Jesus, please hold me! Me, little Nan in all her ordinary,  I need that rescue right now, that immediate rescue. Only He offers that.  

I saw someone on social media recently say "You want to hear God's voice?  Open His mouth!" and held up his Bible.  So much truth in that simple statement.  

There are a couple of songs I'm leaning into as well.  I'll link them below.  Well, that's it for now.  Just sitting here typing this out has helped me process today.  Thanks for "listening".  Much love, N

Same God

Graves into Gardens

Trouble

That last one is from The Chosen, which I encourage you to watch if you haven't.  It's been my go to when my brain can't read words on paper.  I love the verse "trouble ain't bad if the bad is good"  YES!